“Do you really not want company?” With my four-year-old Emily clinging to my thigh and our then-toddler son Benny in my arms, I asked.
Jason simply shook his head and grinned. “No, I will return sooner rather than later. Assure me.
However, he never returned.
I initially believed he had lost his way. Perhaps it hurt. The search parties continued to look for him. Our neighbors and friends came to his aid, searching the slopes and calling his name. It was unreal, like a nightmare I couldn’t get out of.
However, as the days stretched into weeks, the search teams began to view me pityingly, as though they had already given up their minds.
“We’ve done everything we can,” they finally declared.
People began to say things like, “You’ll be fine, Maggie,” and “You’re strong.” However, each word sounded meaningless. Jason wasn’t simply absent; he had vanished. They pronounced him legally dead after several months. What could I do? I detested those words. Life has to continue.
Little things like his beloved wool scarf, his coffee mug with a chip on the rim, and his old hiking boots by the door kept Jason alive in our house over the years. In an effort to preserve his memory, I would occasionally tell the children stories when they inquired about him.
Occasionally, when the home was quiet late at night, I allowed myself to recollect. I pondered whether there was anything I could have done that day to persuade him to stay.
Then everything changed one afternoon.
It was a calm Saturday, bright and breezy. I was enjoying a rare moment of calm while I laid on a blanket in the backyard and watched the children play.
Suddenly there was a stir close to the bushes. I narrowed my eyes, supposing it was a squirrel or perhaps one of the cats from the neighbors. Then I noticed a scruffy, skinny dog approaching me cautiously.
I didn’t recognize him at first. But my heart skipped a beat when I took a closer look. “Scout?” Hardly believing it, I muttered. It was him, even though he was older, thinner, and had a matted, filthy coat.
“Scout!” I sat up, gasping for air, and called louder. The dog paused and gave me a weary look. He had a tattered and ragged green garment in his mouth.
I knew it right away. He had worn it on numerous hikes, and I had washed it a hundred times. It was unbelievable to me. My entire body tensed, caught between astonishment and optimism.
“Where did you come from, Scout?” I crept closer to him and whispered. However, Scout turned and began to trot away as soon as I extended my hand, vanishing into the trees.
“No—wait, Scout!” He didn’t stop even when I called. Even though I had no idea where he was taking me, I felt compelled to follow.
“Remain here, kids! Stay put! With trembling hands, I reached for my car keys and phone. “I swear, Mommy will be back soon.”
Emily raised her head in worry. “Mom, where are you going?”
“I… With my voice scarcely steady, I managed to say, “Honey, I just need to check something.” As I took off after the dog, she nodded and watched me with wide eyes.
Scout led me through the edge of our neighborhood and into the woodland at a steady pace. I slipped on wet leaves and ducked under branches as I tried to keep up. As I ran, my heart raced, propelled by a mixture of terror, unbelief, and hope.
“Slow down, scout!” He continued to lead me farther and farther into the jungle despite my calls.
Scout hesitated for a moment, checking to see if I was still there. “Go on,” his eyes seemed to implore.
The length of time I had been wandering was unknown to me. Every step felt heavier than the one before, and the forest appeared to go on forever, winding around me as though it wanted me to get lost. Scout continued to glance behind him, encouraging me, as though he shared my desperation.
Then I noticed it when the light began to dim.
The cabin blended in perfectly with the dense forest, sitting quietly. If you didn’t know where to look, you would miss it because it was so hidden. A handmade clothesline was strung between two trees, and smoke wafted from an outdoor fire pit. Outside, footsteps were visible in the mud. Someone was present.
“Jason?” My voice was nearly too small to carry as I whispered. My mouth felt dry and my heart was racing. This isn’t possible.
I approached the window, gasping for air. Jason was inside, strolling about as if he had never left.
He had a new appearance. Half of his face was covered by a scratchy beard, and his hair was long and untidy. He appeared to have spent months living outside. And he wasn’t by himself.
He was accompanied by a woman who stood near him and touched his arm. Her clothing appeared tattered and worn, and her hair was tangled. She stood as though this was her home and she belonged there. As if he were her house.
As I suppressed a gasp, my hand shot to my mouth. As I tried to make sense of what I was seeing, my mind raced. No. This isn’t real, sorry. But as I stood there looking into that filthy window, the truth became more and more apparent.
I felt a strength I was unaware I possessed as I pushed the door wide. They both turned to face me, their eyes wide with surprise as it groaned loudly. Jason’s eyes darted over me as if I were a ghost, and his mouth dropped open.
His voice was too calm, as if he had been expecting me, and he murmured, “Maggie.”
“Jason.” I looked him in the eye, but my voice faltered. I looked from him to the woman and back again. “What is this?” It seemed like my heart was breaking again. “Where have you been?”
He looked to the woman next to him, who merely stood there and stared at me as if I were the odd one out. Maggie, I was…trapped. I didn’t live that life. I’m free out here. I’m able to breathe. I’ve discovered something genuine that I couldn’t have back there. As though the woods were his new home, he made a hazy gesture toward them.
I looked at him, finding it hard to believe. “You abandoned us,” I murmured, my voice breaking. “Jason, you abandoned your children. They believe you’ve passed away. I believed you to be deceased.
He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down. “I realize it’s difficult to hear. However, I’ve now merged with nature. Sarah and I have created a life together. a straightforward, purposeful existence. His voice sounded robotic and hollow, as if he had told himself this narrative so many times that he had come to believe it.
I retreated a step as I felt my rage building. That’s it, then? You simply leave everything behind? from your relatives? You didn’t even attempt to communicate your well-being to us?
With a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes as if I were the source of his suffering. “You wouldn’t comprehend, Maggie. It was like living in a prison. I’m living life to the fullest right now.
“A jail?” I said it again, just above a whisper. “Were we that way to you?”
Sarah glared at me as if I were crazy and said, “Maybe you could come worship nature like we did if you weren’t so obsessed with your cursed technology.”
Jason started to say something, but I interrupted him by holding up my hand. I was not interested in hearing it. didn’t want to hear his vacuous justifications or how “free” he felt at this point. I wanted to let him know how much he had destroyed our lives by screaming and crying.
But judging by his lifeless, aloof face, I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. He had already made up his mind.
Without saying anything else, I turned and left the cabin. I didn’t turn around. I didn’t have to. I no longer had the Jason I loved. Perhaps I was the last to recognize that he had been gone for a long time before the day he vanished.
The return trek felt heavier and longer. Every step served as a reminder that I was losing a part of my life that I would never be able to regain. The trees, the deepening shadows, and the pain in my legs were all scarcely perceptible to me. My heart was hollow and my mind was numb.
I didn’t waste any time getting home. The following morning, unable to speak, but knowing I had to, I walked right into a lawyer’s office.
My voice was stronger than my emotions when I declared, “I want a divorce.” “And I’d like your help.” My children deserve any assets he may have.
The attorney looked at me pityingly and nodded. “Maggie, we’ll see to it that you and your kids are taken care of.”
A peculiar calmness swept over me as I walked away. I had been weeping, waiting, and wondering if Jason would return for years. However, I realized at last that he was not returning, and even if he did, he was not the man I had known.
It was my time to make a decision. I have to give my kids a life based on honesty, stability, and love. I was following my route, whereas Jason had followed his. I was also never turning around.
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